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Wednesday 25 July 2012

day forty-seven & forty-ate on the hotel patio

Sir Wellington Moonboots, the celebrated engineer spider passed by. He took a good look at the big web the spiders had made. 
"That's a big one! he said. 
He ran around the spiral thread and up and down the radials. He checked the main rigging, mainstays and anchor points. He scrutinised some knots. He climbed the impedial and expedial ladders. He performed flexibility and tensile integrity tests and measured the thread-width for conformity to the official standard. He evaluated the specifics and made a  general assessment and finally said, "Good job, boys!"

Friday 20 July 2012

day forty-seven & forty-eight back at Kola Nut Hotel

Meanwhile, Fred and his spider friends have been spinning a big web on the patio of the Kola Nut Hotel and discussing some complex mathematics. In particular, they are debating 1xX. Slider says 1xX=1; West-sider says it=X. Fred thinks it's x. Snyder insists it's 8. Alfa Romeo is sticking with 11. Spy and Louis are sitting on the fence.

day forty-eight and soup

"Yes of course!" said Benny. "It will be an honour to serve Your Excellencyness with some soup. Today's special is beetroot." 
"Beetroot?" said the Emperor.
"Er.. Yes," said Benny. "I have made it especially for Your Excellency's visit!"
A slightly awkward pause. "It's very good!" said Ron.
"Well, then we will have beetroot soup!" said the Emperor decisively.
"Thank you," said Benny."And if your Highnose likes it, I would like to name it in your honour."
"Well, then I hope I will like it!" said the Emperor.
The Emperor, and his footmen and generals tucked in to Benny's "special" beetroot soup. One of the generals spluttered a little, but dutifully ate it up when he saw the Emperor had polished his off. "You must give me the recipe so that I can have the Imperial Kitchen's Head Chef make it!" said the Emperor. The general gave a little snort, but disguised it as a cough. "It will be known as Emperor Peng Win Glorious Imperial Beetroot Soup!"
"Thank you!" said Benny, relieved.

Sunday 15 July 2012

day forty-eight and a V.V.I.P.

"Who's there?!" said Ron instinctively. Benny gave him a very stern look.
"The Emperor!" came the reply.
"The Emperor who?" said Ron. He couldn't help it.
"The Emperor Peng Win! And he commands that you open the door!" Benny opened the door quickly.

The Emperor and his retinue entered the Soup Shack. "Are you the proprieter of this establishment?" asked the Emperor, looking at Benny. 
"Yes, I am, Your Excellency. Benny, at your service," replied Benny, hitting a strong but humble tone.
"So this must be Ron!" said the Emperor.
"Yes, I'm Ron," said Ron. "At your service, Your Eggsellency."
The Emperor stroked his Imperial moustache.
"I have come here today to offer my profound gratitude to you, Ron, for saving the lives of the passengers and crew of Flight..." one of the footmen whispered in the Emperor's ear, "... of Flight X252. For your bravery and selflessness I award you the highest honour at my disposal: the Emperor's Big Gold medal."
The Emperor took the medal from a case held by a footman and put the ribbon over Ron's head. "Thank you very much." said Ron, "I like it!"
The Emperor smiled and said, "I'm glad you like it! Wear it with pride, you are a hero!""
"Yes, I will," said Ron. "I won't sell it."
"Mmm," said the Emperor. "Now, Benny."
"Yes, Your Highness?" said Benny.
"I understand that you also played a part in this rescue, by beating-off the attackers when they returned to assault the airship a second time," said the Emperor.
"Yes, but.." said Benny.
"But nothing, Benny. I also owe you my sincerest gratitude for your actions," said the Emperor. "I have a very special gift for you." 
The Emperor took an object from a case held by another footman. It was a small model of the Imperial Palace in a glass dome, which was full of water. The Emperor gave it a gentle shake and gave it to Benny saying, "Look, it's snowing!"
"Thank you very much, Your Niceness." said Benny.
"And also I grant you the right to put "By Appointment to His Excellency, Emperor Peng Win II" on your shop sign and menu and letters etc.  You can stick it wherever you like within reason."
"Thank you very much, Your Highnice," said Benny.
"And now I'd like to try some of your famous soup!" said the Emperor.

day forty-eight and a gasp

The fantastically large Imperial Zeppelin, with it's black upper part and white lower part, made the airship Ron had travelled in look like a birdkid's party balloon. As Ron and Benny peered through the window of the Soup Shack, they could not see the ends of it. They could plainly see the Imperial crest on the side of the zeppelin and signs of unhurried activity were visible through the gold portholes of it's gondola.
Ron and Benny then gasped as a long gangway was slowly lowered from the underside of the gondola to the ledge below. It was like a chute rather than a staircase. After a minute, some penguins, obviously members of the Emperor's retinue, slid smoothly down the chute one-by-one, head-first. The penguins stood up on the ledge and saluted as a loud fanfare blurted out.  This was followed by the appearance of the Emperor himself, who regally descended the chute feet-first. The Emperor, flanked by his footmen and generals, approached the Soup Shack. He was an imposing figure, wearing a long red gown with a white fur collar, and a gold crown which reflected the pale sunlight. Ron and Benny jumped away from the window, their hearts beating louder than the now much quieter idling engine of the zeppelin. They took a deep breath....
"Knock, knock!"

day forty-eight and louder and louder

Now Ron could hear the deep rumble of the Imperial Zeppelin's mighty engines, and it was getting louder and louder. "We've got about five minutes!" said Benny, starting to clatter about in the Soup Shack's kitchen. Ron got involved in the panic, first putting the spoon in his jacket pocket and his comb in the cutlery tray, and then running around between the tables like a fool.
The sound of the zeppelin was very loud by now, and the pots and pans in the kitchen were all vibrating or swinging on their hooks. Then the tables started shaking and one of the chairs actually fell to bits. Some spoons left out on the tables stood up and did a frantic jig, and a can-opener performed a whirling, high-kicking Cossack-dance. Salt and pepper pots tumbled like skittles and threw out their contents in curvy white and beige arabesques. Cans of food in the cupboards spun like tops and the letters on the menu board were jumbled-up to spell out terrible obscenities. The floorboards screamed as their edges strained against each other and the walls and ceiling wobbled like sheets of cardboard jelly. The room then started to become dark and Ron and Benny went to the window and looked out. The Imperial Zeppelin was now hovering just five or six metres above the ledge outside the Soup Shack. It was very, very, very big.

day forty-eight and a hero

Ron ate the soup Benny had made (beetroot, for it's restorative power) and felt much better. His aching eyelids, beak, wing-arms and other parts were soothed and he felt strong enough to stand up. He wanted to look in a mirror, but Benny said he didn't have one, so Ron picked up a spoon and examined himself in that. 
Well, his quiff was wonky but he could soon fix that... and the black eye... well it looked kind of cool! Ron set about restoring his hair with his silver comb while Benny explained that Emperor Peng Win had heard about Ron fixing the hole in the airship and saving the lives of all the passengers and crew, and wanted to personally say well done and thank you. "You're a hero!" added Benny. Ron was just absorbing that when Benny suddenly exclaimed, "That's him!"
"Unh?" said Ron, still holding comb and spoon.
"The Emperor is here!" said Benny. "I can hear the Imperial Zeppelin!"

Saturday 14 July 2012

day forty-eight

Ron tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids hurt. He tried to lift himself but his wing-arms ached. He supposed he must have hit the frozen ground and broken all of his bones. Just got to wait for some beasts to come and eat me now, he thought. But the ground actually felt quite soft and warm, and there was a smell of food in the air. Soup!
"Are you awake, Ron?" said Benny. "Wake up!"
Ron then did open his eyes and found he was in Benny's Soup Shack!
"How did I get here?" asked Ron.
"I brought you here in my rotor-sledge - you were unconscious," replied Benny.
"But I fell!" exclaimed Ron.
"Yes, but you're all right. I'll tell you what happened later. Right now you've got to have some soup and get ready for an important visitor!" Benny said.
"Unh?" grunted Ron.
"Emperor Peng Win wants to meet you!" Benny said.

Friday 13 July 2012

day forty-seven and "Smash!"

Then, in the next few seconds, something amazing happened! Ron saw another craft appear from nowhere. It was a pedal-powered rotor-sledge, and it was driven by a large birdman. He was wearing a big, black astracan hat and had a large orange beak and a bushy white moustache. He looked very stern. It was Benny!
Benny came in at an angle and reached out with a long crackit racquet and smashed the snow-mice in their cups one-by-one. "Smash!". "Blang!". "Crack!" etc.  Ron cheered as he saw the snow-mice jumping out of their smashed-up cups as they corkscrewed down, opening little parachutes that looked like gentlebirdmen's white handkerchiefs.
"Saved!", thought Ron. He could see Benny now approaching gently in the rotor-sledge. Just then though, there was a little ripping noise, as the cardboard centre of the roll of tape, weakened by all the swinging, started to break. For a few moments a layer of cardboard peeled away until the roll broke completely and Ron fell....

day forty-seven and dizzy

Ron was now left spinning around on the end of the roll of tape. The only sound now was the steady "flip-flip" of the airship's propellor. There was a spectacular view of the blue, icy mountains all around, but Ron wasn't in the mood for spectacle. He couldn't help looking down, and wasn't pleased to see a desolate landscape of white below. He couldn't see anybody down there waiting with a net to catch him, but he could imagine some beasts lying in wait to devour him a few seconds after hitting the ground.
Ron thought about his friends back home and wondered what they were doing at that moment. "Probably having a picnic or playing crackit!", he thought. He vowed to be a good birdman if he ever got back there. That thought was cut short though, as the airship suddenly lurched to one side again, sending Ron swinging wildly. He looked up and saw the snow-mice attacking again! They zoomed-in in their flying tea-cups and he saw them launch another spiky sea anemone, but Captain Cookie took evasive action and dodged it with some skilful control. But the jerky movement of the airship made Ron swing even more and the snow-mice spotted him. Already dizzy, Ron was nearly knocked-out by a snowball right in the face. He saw them bearing down on him again and wanted to just let go of the tape to avoid another battering before his now seemingly unavoidable plunge to the ground.

day forty-seven and a "X"

Ron knew he had to fix the hole in the balloon somehow. He could hear the hiss of escaping air and feel the airship falling. Ron took hold of the rope net that attached the balloon to the cabin and climbed up. It was freezing cold and Ron could hardly feel his wing-fingers, but eventually, with a great effort, he reached the hole and managed to fix it with two pieces of tape in the form of an "X". 
The hissing stopped and Ron, who realised he had been holding his breath, blew through his beak with relief. But then Ron lost his foothold and started to fall! He stuck out his wing to try and grab the rope net again, but instead the end of the roll of sticky tape, which was still around his wing-wrist, stuck to the balloon. The tape was very sticky and stopped his fall for a second, but then the roll of tape began to unwind under Ron's weight and in a moment he was dangling about twenty metres below the airship. Ayeee! 

Thursday 12 July 2012

day forty-seven and no need to panic

"No need to panic," said Capt. Cookie again, "but it looks like we've been hit by a spiky sea anemone." The panicking in the cabin went up a notch or two. "There seems to be a little bit of a hole in the balloon. We're losing altitude. We need a volunteer to go outside and fix the hole in the balloon," he said. "Thank you very much for your cooperation. No need to panic." A couple more notches.
Ron remembered the mouse who had volunteered to act as bait to lure the snake out of the Cocktail Lounge. But now all the penguins were looking at Ron. The Captain's voice again: "No need to panic, but if we don't fix the hole the airship will crash." The penguins picked Ron up and the stewards tied a rope around his ankle and put a roll of sticky-tape around his wing-wrist. Before Ron had time to protest he was pushed through the open door out into the freezing air. Then he was standing on a little step at the foot of the cabin door. With the door now tightly closed, he couldn't hear the penguins squawking anymore, but he could see their wide-eyed faces squashed up against the glass of the airship cabin's portholes, like a row of crazy portraits. There was no way they would let him back in, but what was he going to do? How was he going to fix the puncture?