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Tuesday 15 May 2012

The Emperor Peng Win's Message

The Emperor Peng Win's Message

It is at times like these, as I sit in the Imperial Kitchen, waiting for a pot of fish soup to bubble, that I am inclined to consider my role as Emperor, and if I put enough salt in. As I was chopping onions earlier, I found myself recalling my father, Emperor Peng Win I's stirring words on the need for us all to remember our traditions; the tight, white layers of which can so easily and quickly be cut by the knives of progress. A tear or two came to my Imperial eyes.
I now also recall my father's brother, Imperial Brother Peng Win, who used to say that life is stranger than a sardine with legs. I think he may have been right about that. I remember how we Imperial chicks used to look forward to our uncle's visits. He used to throw us up in the air... he didn't catch us, he just threw us up in the air. He was quite mad. I often think how lucky we birdpeople are that my uncle was the younger brother.
I'm just going to put a bit more salt in the soup.

As I gaze out of the Imperial Kitchen window, I find myself thinking about the future; What will next week be like? What kind of world will our chicks and grandchicks live in? When will my soup be ready?
Anyway, we must continue to live humbly. By the way, if anyone finds a ruby it is probably mine - it dropped out of my wife's crown yesterday when we were returning from a caviar brunch. Three cheers for the Empress! Hip hip - Hooray! Hip hip - Hurrah! Hip hip - Hurroo! She's waving from the Imperial Dining Room.
Also by the way, it has come to my attention that one of our birdpeople, namely Ron, has gone missing. Please let Bill & Bobby know if you have seen him.


I am aware that some of you reading this will not believe I am making soup in my kitchen, and might be imagining I am tucking in to some kind of unimaginably gorgeous lunch with smoked salmon, crab, lobster, oysters, mackerel (maybe not mackerel), caviar - mmm! - followed by what are these things..  I mean those things.... called? Oh yes, profiteroles.
Let me just say to any of you who may be activists or members or supporters or sympathisers of the so-called Gingham Revolution, that I am in fact making soup. In fact it's bubbling away nicely now. Bloop-blop-bloop.
I'll just do a quick word count... O.K. I think that is enough. That is all I have to say to you at this time. Have a pleasant day!
Now let's try the soup. Mmm, not bad - a bit salty, but not bad. "Empress, dear! Soup's ready!"


P.s. Three cheers for the Emperor! Hip hip - Hooray! Hip hip - Hurrah! Hip hip - Hurroo!

Friday 4 May 2012

Report by Sheriff Tinned Tomatoes


I'm on my way back to Cherry Pie County. Bill & Bobby gave me a strong cup of tea and a couple of official chocky-bickies. I'm sad to leave though - I had a great time! 
Policebirdman files by Bill & Bobby in the policebirdbox


We found Sheriff Tinned Tomatoes wandering about in the garden looking a bit worse for wear and laughing crazily. He said, "Have you really finished painting? Are you sure you haven't missed a bit in a corner somewhere?" 

Thursday 3 May 2012

Report by Sheriff Tinned Tomatoes


I landed in a vineyard full of ripe grapes, so I escaped with a few scratches and grape juice stains.
Policebirdman Files by Bill & Bobby


We have now finished painting - cleaning brushes.
Report by Sheriff Tinned Tomatoes


I am about to be fired from a cannon. I don't think there is anything soft to land on in the direction Lucy is pointing it in. Help!

Wednesday 2 May 2012

Policebirdman Files by Bill & Bobby


Just a few cage bars to finish painting now. We thought we heard a faint knock on the door but when we opened it there was nobody there. (We had to touch up the paint on the door though). (Must get the doorbell fixed).
Report by Sheriff Tinned Tomatoes


I ran to the policebirdbox to try and escape from Lucy but the doorbell didn't work so I tried knocking on the door but the paint was wet and sticky. Then Lucy appeared with a crackit stick so I ran!
Policebirdman Files by Bill & Bobby in the policebirdbox


Now we have painted three walls and all of the door.
Report by Sheriff Tinned Tomatoes


I am hiding from Lucy. It's been a long week. I've been hung up, cut off, rolled down a hill, dragged through a hedge backwards, washed up, burnt down, ripped off and turned over. I've been buckled and knuckled, netted and wetted, pinned and binned, booted and hooted, crumpled and bumpled, ditched, doused and dangled.
I'm kind of getting used to it now.

Tuesday 1 May 2012

Policebirdman Files by Bill & Bobby in the policebirdbox


We have finished painting one wall and half of the door and some of the cage bars. We are sure Sheriff Tinned Tomatoes has got everything under control and hope he's not too bored.