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Saturday 23 February 2013

#165 day sixty-four and getting hot


“Lost?!” said Miss Wu, when Admiral Spicerack stopped the skyacht and informed everyone of the the logistical error. 
“How lost, exactly?”
“Exactly completely lost, I’m afraid,” said the admiral. “We should have been able to see the Sunday Afternoon volcano by now, but it’s nowhere to be seen.”
“And how did we get so lost?” asked Tusks.
“I think that big, gallumping pelican knocked us out of whack,” said the admiral. “Great big thing - you felt the yacht rock when it landed and took off!”
“Mmm... Yes, Pelecanus crispus - a very  big, heavy  bird. So what are we going to do?!” said Tusks anxiously.
“Another game of crackit?” said Chops. Either the dinosaur didn’t understand the gravity of the situation, or it had discovered the art of gamesmanship.
“Err, maybe later, Chops,” said Ron.
Everyone went to the sides of the yacht and looked out, desperately squinting to try to catch sight of the volcano in the bright sunlight, but there was no sign of it. It was very warm now, and everyone was suddenly feeling very thirsty.
“How much water have we got?” asked Miss Wu. 
“Half a bottle,” said the admiral. “And one packet of crisps; cheese and onion, I think. I’m afraid.. “
“It’s hot down there!” said Wildmouth, coming up on deck after having a lie down in the cabin. He seemed to have forgotten about his embarrassing performance on the Aerobot stage. “Hot up here too!” he said. “Are we nearly there yet?”
“We’re lost!” said Miss Wu.
“Lost?!” said Wildmouth. “Stop pulling my tail! Ha-ha! Lost! Ha-ha-ha!”
Wildmouth ran up to the bows and flung out his arms dramatically: “Oh, woe are we!” he hammed. “How shall we find our way home?”
“Wildmouth!” shouted Tusks. “Stop it! We really are lost!”
“Oh, pathos!” the lion continued to his imaginary audience, lifting his paw to his forehead and making sobbing noises. And then he turned around to face his real audience; all presenting disapproving looks, except Chops, who was giggling.
”What? ... We really are lost?!” said Wildmouth.
Everyone nodded.
“Completely lost - hic!” said the admiral, sucking from a decanter of port through a straw.
“And the yacht’s on fire as well?” asked Wildmouth.
“Don’t be silly!” said Tusks, mopping sweat from his brow with a large handkerchief.
“What’s that, then?” said Wildmouth. “Behind you..”
They all looked around.
“Great Scott of the Tock-tick!” exclaimed the admiral. “We’re ablaze!”

© David Severn 2013

Wednesday 20 February 2013

#164 day sixty-four and the flight home (fuga domum)


Soon the airship was just a speck in the distance. The yacht cruised along leisurely at a steady ten knots. It was a high-performance skyacht, but no-one was in a great hurry to get back. 

Ron and Skates tried to teach Chops how to play crackit:
“So, can I do that?” asked Chops, confusedly.
“Only if there’s a coot,” explained Ron.
“Or if it’s already feathered,” added Skates.
“You can put it back or take snails’ point,” said Ron.
“Unless there’s a draft from A to B,” clarified Skates.
“Can we play bingo again?” said Chops, exasperatedly.

Admiral Spicerack stood at the wheel, fiddling with his sextant, trying to check the yacht’s course. He was hoping the accordian-playing albatross would come back again and play some more hornpipes. Once a stormy petrel flew past and decorated the admiral’s hat.
“Oceanites oceanicus!” said Tusks, when he and Miss Wu had stopped laughing. Tusks was a keen ornithologist.
“Humph!” said the admiral.

A flock of grandfatherclock birds flew past. 
“Wow!” said Tusks. He had only ever seen them in books and on teacards before. 
“Avus horologium avis!” he muttered in amazement.

Then a very large  Dalmatian pelican (Pelecanus crispus) landed heavily on the side of the yacht and asked if they had any  clupeidae.
“What’s that?” asked the admiral.
“You know, clupidae!” repeated the pelican, jumping onto the deck.
“That’s sardines and pilchards,” interpreted Tusks, “and other smaller members of the herring family.”
“Oh, I see. Well, no, we don’t have any,  I’m afraid,” said the admiral, politely, hoping that the pelican wouldn’t take offence and decorate his hat.
“Try the sea,” said Miss Wu, trying to help.
“Righto!” said the pelican, and it took off, causing the yacht to rock from side to side.

“So if the breeze is anti-clockwise, and I have two snails...” said Chops, “..then I can do this? Is that right?”
Ron and Skates looked at Chops’ position incredulously: “You’ve won!” they said.
“Beginner’s luck!” said Chops.

Admiral Spicerack spent a couple of minutes trying to clean up his hat and then picked up his telescope again. He was a bit puzzled. He was expecting to see the Sunday Afternoon volcano; the landmark from which he could get a bearing to take them back to the hotel. But it wasn’t visible.
Oh, guano... he thought. We’re lost!


© David Severn 2013

Monday 18 February 2013

#163 day sixty-four and chaos at the concert


Wildmouth, frustrated with merely being a member of the audience, jumped up on the stage to join in. He leapt around like a maniac and grabbed a microphone and started bellowing into it. GRAAGHHH! B-B-BWAAAGHHH!  His tail swung around crazily, knocking over the drumkit and tripping up Ivan Crab, who fell over with a loud, discordant BWLANGG!
“Oh, no!” cried Miss Wu.
Skates stopped plucking the banjo, and Ron stopped shaking his marracas, and Ivan and the rest of his band dizzily crawled off the stage.
Wildmouth, you nincompoop!” shouted Tusks.
And so, the concert came to a chaotic end. Ron and Skates jumped down from the stage.
“Come on, guys!” cried Wildmouth, obliviously. “Let's play another song!” 
“Wildmouth!” shouted Tusks, angrily.
The audience were now bunched-up around the exit, trying to get out as quickly as possible; they weren't going to hang around with a mad lion in the auditorium!
Thank you! Thank you!” said Wildmouth. “You've been a wonderful audience!”
Get off!” shouted Tusks from the back of the auditorium, where he had located the abandoned lighting booth. He flicked a switch and the spotlight went off, leaving Wildmouth in darkness on the stage. Tusks then lowered the thick, velvet stage curtain and switched on the house lights, and Miss Wu, Capt. Cookie and the other hotel regulars, who were used to Wildmouth's over-the-top antics, walked out to the sound of the lion’s muffled cries.

We must get going!” said the captain, looking at his timepiece and remembering he was behind schedule.
Aye, sir!” said Winterbottom. The steward got all the passengers together and they headed down to Aerobot's hangar-stomach, where the airship was parked.
It was decided that now that the celebrations were over, the newly-wed couple, Temples and Singsong, would resume their roles on the airship as co-pilot and flight attendant respectively. The abductees would be dropped off at their homes on the way, except for Chops, the dinosaur,  whose habitat of seventy-one million years ago was no longer there.
Miss Wu, who had grown fond of Chops, despite having had to feed it with  the prize produce of her vegetable garden insisted on taking it with her. Along with Skates, Tusks and Ron (and Wildmouth, although Tusks felt like leaving him behind) they were to go back to the hotel on Admiral Spicerack's yacht. Everyone said goodbye and boarded their designated craft. And then everyone gawped as the gigantic hangar doors opened and they saw the enormous sky above and below them again.
The airship went first, gliding out of the hangar slowly. Capt. Cookie blew his foghorn: Parp! Parp!  Then the admiral steered the yacht out into the air. He looked through his telescope at the airship, and he could see Capt. Cookie and Lieutenant Temples in the cockpit, setting a course for the Far North. 
Right!” said the admiral. “Let's get back to the Kola Nut Hotel! It's nearly cocktail time!”

© David Severn 2013







Saturday 16 February 2013

#162 day sixty-four and Are you ready to rock?!


After the round of double-scoops, everyone was full (Spa Bruno had a double-double-scoop) and they all left the ice cream parlor. They went downstairs and were ushered into an auditorium where an excitable crowd were sitting, amicably jostling and generally larking about. No sooner had Ron and everyone from the hotel sat down, than the lights went off and the curtain was raised, revealing a stage lit with fairy-lights.
“Ladies and Gentlemen!” came a loud voice through the speakers. “Please welcome the one and only Ivan Crab and the Sand Band!” There was a loud cheer as a group of musicians scuttled onto the stage and took up their instruments. 
"Are you ready to rock?!" shouted Ivan Crab in his echoey falsetto.
"Yeah!" responded the audience.
"Are you ready to roll?!" cried Ivan.
"Yeah!" called the crowd.
"Are you ready to scuttle sideways?!" 
""Yeah!!"
"O.K. Let's go!!"
For a large crustacean, Ivan was very nimble, dancing and spinning around as he sang, and strumming his guitar with his big right claw. In a minute, the crowd were up out of their seats and ebbing and flowing like the sea.
The first song ended and the crowd went wild. Everyone cheered, hooted or squawked and clapped their wings, flippers or paws as appropriate. Ron thought they were nearly as good as his favourite bands, Pin Cushion and Vineyard Snails.
Skates, himself quite a handy musician, was impressed when Ivan Crab played a xylophone and a harmonica at the same time, before performing a syncopated, high-speed solo on the handbells.
The Sand Band finished their last song with a flourish, and Ivan Crab waved his large right claw, saying “Thank you! Thank you!” into the microphone and doing a final wiggly-diggly on the guitar, before leaving the stage.
Everyone clapped and stamped their feet, at first randomly and then gradually synchronizing into a steady, communal Chrrrchhk! Chrrrchhk! Chrrrchhk!.
“Encore!” shouted Miss Wu.
“More!” shouted Capt. Cookie, still forgetting that he had a schedule to catch up with.
No-one noticed the admiral slipping through a door at the side of the stage and re-appearing a minute later. 
Ivan Crab came back on stage after a quick slug of salty water. 
“Thank you! Thank you!” he said. “I’d like to dedicate this song to Temples and Singsong! And I’d like to invite their friends Ron and Skates up on to the stage. Ron! Skates! Come on up!”
The audience-sea parted down the middle and Ron and Skates went forward and climbed up on to the stage. Ivan Crab gave Skates a banjo and Ron a microphone and a pair of marracas and they played and sang along to the ancient classic “Rock Around The Sundial”.

© David Severn 2013

Saturday 9 February 2013

#161 day sixty-four and too many ice creams


Aerobot gently lifted the airship up to its mouth and the passengers walked along the gangplank-tongue into its mouth-entrance, followed by Capt. Cookie and his crew. Then they, along with Admiral Spicerack and the newly-weds, went down some stairs into the main ice-cream parlor. “2,013 Flavours” said a sign above the counter.
“Cor!” said Spa Bruno, the walrus. “How long have we got? I want them all!”
Capt. Cookie was reading the labels on the rows and rows and rows of tubs in all different creamy colours, and forgot about time-keeping. “No rush...” he said, absent-mindedly.
The penguin passengers ran and jumped about randomly, squeeling with delight.
Winterbottom looked after the four abductees, who were suffering from severe culture-shock, and he tried to help them decide what flavour they wanted. “Magnolia?” he said to them. “That sounds nice. Or how about Lemon Explosion? No? Maybe you’re right. There’s Sweet River Mud... err.. Sequoia leaf?.... How about Gold Medal Turnip? Or next to that there’s Radish With Bonito Flakes. No?”
Everyone was having trouble deciding; there were too many flavours!
Miss Wu thought she’d decided on Meringue Chilli Sponge, but then the dozens of melon varieties caught her eye.
“Raspberry Rock!” said Ron, pulling himself together and choosing an ice cream, and with the ice broken, everyone relaxed and started ordering.
Soon everyone had an ice cream. Admiral Spicerack was the last to order: “Rum and Raisin, please!” he said.
The ice creams were all very good so naturally everyone wanted another one. But the second round of choosing was just as difficult! Some of the penguins were so befuddled that they were about to order the same again, until Ron upped the ante:
“Strawberry Cheesecake and Coconut Cream - double scoop!” he said.
Ordering a double scoop sent everyone into a new dimension of indecision. 

© David Severn 2013

Thursday 7 February 2013

#160 day sixty-four and Wow!


Capt. Cookie struggled to keep the airship under control as Winterbottom rushed into the cockpit to see Aerobot, followed by all the passengers.
“Wow!” said Winterbottom, gazing at the strange and enormous thing hanging in the air.
“Wohh!” said the passengers.
“Winterbottom!” shouted the captain. “Get these people out of here at once! We’ll crash like this! Quickly, Winterbottom!”
“Yes, sir!” said Winterbottom, pulling himself together and ushering the passengers back into the cabin.
“We could go around a couple of times so that everyone can see it from the cabin!” said Miss Wu.
“Yes!” said Cookie. “Let’s do that. Good idea!”

Eveyone gawped in amazement at the thing called Aerobot. It was like a machine and a building and a man all in one. It had big eyes which were observation windows and people could be seen looking out. Below the head part, the gigantic body also had many windows on different levels. Below that there were no legs, but a kind of conical duct from which steam was gently flowing. It was quite still except for its massive arms, which were busy taking aboard and putting back passengers from other visiting aircraft.
Now, the passengers on the airship, which was still about two hundred metres away could see the yacht being held by one of Aerobot’s giant hands. It raised it’s hand up to it’s face and a gangway came out of it’s mouth like a tongue. Admiral Spicerack, Temples and Singsong walked along the tongue and entered Aerobot. When they were safely inside the head, the tongue retracted. Then the arm holding the yacht moved down to the body part, where large sliding doors opened and the yacht was put inside.

“Wow!” said Capt. Cookie into his microphone. “I mean.. Birdladies and Gentlebirdmen, please prepare to disembark.”

© David Severn 2013

Tuesday 5 February 2013

#159 day sixty-four and onboard entertainment


Admiral Spicerack led the way in his yacht with the newly-wed couple, followed closely by the airship with everyone else on board. Ron took it easy in the cabin, as Miss Wu had insisted she could perform the role of Capt. Cookie’s co-pilot, having read “Teach Yourself Co-Piloting An Airship” while the captain and Ron had gone to rescue Winterbottom from the Moon. The steward, now completely recovered from his strange and frightening lunar experience, led a sing-a-long accompanied by Skates on the doorbell piano. 

The admiral looked through his telescope and espied the plume of smoke rising from the Sunday Afternoon volcano. He did a quick manipulation on his sextant and shouted: “Two degrees to port!”
“Aye!” Temples and Singsong shouted back and turned the yacht’s large wheel a little bit to the left.
The admiral was looking through his telescope again: “Fantastic sunset!” he said, taking a swig from a miniature bottle of rum he had hidden under one of his epaulettes. Temples and Singsong sniggered.
“Oh, I see..” he said, realising there was a mackerel stuck to the end of his telescope.

“Two little ducks!...” said Capt. Cookie into his microphone. “Twenty-two!” 
On the airship, a game of bingo was underway. In the cockpit, Miss Wu took the balls out of a black bag, and Capt. Cookie announced them. In the cabin, everyone pounced on a number with their dabbers or stared at their cards in anxious silence. “Two fat penguins.....Eighty-eight!”

Back on the yacht, an albatross cruised alongside and jumped into the crows’ nest at the top of the main mast. It had an accordian around it’s neck and started to play a jolly nautical tune. On the deck the admiral couldn’t help dancing a hornpipe. Temples and Singsong joined in.

“Bingo!” shouted Spa Bruno the walrus, dabbing the last number on his card. 
“Nuhh..” said the other passengers. 
“I only needed one...” said some. 
Bruno went up to the cockpit to get his prize, which was an Imperial Airlines pen and notebook. 
“Thank you very much!” he said, swallowing the notebook.

“Aerobot ahoy!” Back on the yacht the admiral was looking through his fish-free telescope again and could see their destination up ahead.  “Steady as she goes!” he cried.
“Aye!” said Temples and Singsong together. As they got closer, they could see the fantastic thing called Aerobot hanging in the sky.
“Wow!” they said together.


© David Severn 2013

Monday 4 February 2013

#158 day sixty-four and an improvised wedding cake


Luckily, the grocery blimp was coming that morning and when Miss Wu heard it approaching she rushed outside and started signalling to McCluskey in semaphore with two handkerchiefs. C-A-V-I-A-R -&-C-H-A-M-P-A-G-N-E-&-A-W-E-D-D-I-N-G-C-A-K-E. And, again luckily, McCluskey had some spare caviar and a magnum of champagne, although he didn’t have a wedding cake on board. 
Meanwhile, all the guests went directly from the dining-room to the exotic garden and gathered in front of the Wishing Well, where Admiral Spicerack had a hair of the dog and then also took his place. Winterbottom was also there; he was the wedding steward. Skates the hotel bellboy brought in a harmonium on his luggage cart and started to play some suitable matrimonial music. 
Miss Wu, with Wildmouth’s help, quickly finished in the kitchen and they dashed over to the garden. Capt. Cookie and Ron did some quick diagnotics and re-setting in the airship and also dashed over to the garden, where the ceremony was just starting. 
Apart from the moment when Admiral Spicerack fell asleep, everything went smoothly. Tears were shed, including by Chops, who was still in the net. Tusks had rolled it around to the Wishing Well, and now he was drying the dinosaur’s eyes with a king-size hankie. BHAWHAWHAAAW! it bawled.
Then everyone went back to the hotel for the reception and scoffed all the caviar and swallowed all the champagne. There were some speeches and then Wildmouth told a long funny story that never seemed to end. In fact he was playing for time while Miss Wu and Skates the bellboy made an improvised wedding cake out of marshmallows, meringues, nougat and chocolate fingers. The lion kept the guests enthralled with the range of his thespian antics until finally the cake was brought in. There was a big cheer. HOORAY!! The enormous, elaborate cake was demolished in a matter of seconds.
Tusks had rolled the captive dinosaur into the dining-room and released it from the net. It sampled the cake with some dried parsley on top.
Then everyone piled into the airship, except for the newly-weds, who went with Admiral Spicerack in his yacht. The two craft took off and headed for Aerobot.

© David Severn 2013

Sunday 3 February 2013

#157: day sixty-four and an announcement – hic!


Next morning, Miss Wu and Skates made breakfast for everyone, including the four new guests – the four people rescued from the Moon with Winterbottom. They had slept on the sofas in the hotel lounge, as the rooms were already full to bursting. The four abductees said it was much better than the camp-site on the dark side of the Moon where they had spent the previous countless number of nights. Chops the dinosaur, who had also escaped from the Moon, had to sleep in the net in the exotic garden, because Tusks the botanist didn't trust it not to eat the precious rare plants while everyone was asleep.
Miss Wu had never had such a full hotel, but it seemed it was only for one night. Captain Cookie said during breakfast that he would be taking off that morning.
I'll take the penguins and everybody back to the Imperial Penguin Lands,” he said, stuffing a sausage into his beak.
Oh!” said Miss Wu. “Are you sure? I know it's overcrowded, but I don't mind everyone staying longer.”
Thank you, but we're already behind schedule,”  the captain said. 
And I'll have to drop the abductees off too. I don't know how long......”
Can I have your attention, please, everyone!” said Admiral Spicerack, entering the dining-room drunkenly. Everyone looked up from their plates at the admiral, who was swaying from side-to-side as if he was back on the deck of his galleon.
“It's my great pleasure to announce – hic!– that Leiutenant Temples and Supervisor Singsong have asked me to officiate at their wedding!” he said, hiccupping.
There was a lot of murmurring and “oohs” and “aahs”.
“The wedding will be held at the Wishing Well in the exotic garden” he continued, “and afterwards there will be a reception here in the hotel.”
What?!! thought Miss Wu.
“And then,” continued the admiral, “We'll all go to Aerobot for ice cream in the airship!”
What?!! thought Capt. Cookie.
There was a great cheer from all the guests. “Hooray!”
How can I get a wedding reception ready in such a short time!” Miss Wu said to Capt.Cookie. “The dinosaur has eaten all the salad!”
“And this is going to make the airship very behind schedule!” said Cookie.

© David Severn 2013

Friday 1 February 2013

#156: day sixty-three and a large marrow


Tusks remained in the exotic garden to make sure Chops, the dinosaur, didn’t get out of the net, while Miss Wu went to the vegetable garden to get something green and fresh to satisfy Chops’ terrible appetite.
She returned a short while later with a large basket full of cabbages, lettuce, onions and runner beans and started feeding them to the dinosaur as she had promised.
Ravenous Chops ate quickly and soon the basket was empty.
Burp!” said Chops. “Can you let me go now?” 
“No. Sorry,” said Tusks. “You’ll just destroy more of our precious exotic plants. I’m not putting my Brocolli Stupendous at risk!”
“You said I could have a marrow too,” said Chops to Miss Wu.
“Mmm..well...” said Wu, hesitating. “Actually there’s only one. It’s my prize marrow. I was going to enter it in a show, but I suppose you can have it.”
And Wu went back to the vegetable garden and returned a few minutes later with an enormous marrow in a wheelbarrow.
“Marrowus Giganticus!” exclaimed Tusks.
“Yes, it’s a big one!” said Miss Wu. “Temples and Singsong had to help me lift it!”
“It’s a prize-winner for sure!” said Tusks.
“Can I eat it now?” said Chops, salivating.
Just then, there was a whirring sound up in the sky and they all looked up at something large looming out of the dark night sky.
“Wow!” said Chops. “Look at that marrow! It’s massive!”
“The airship!” cried Tusks.
“Capt. Cookie!” cried Miss Wu.
“Burp!” said Chops.
The airship passed low over the exotic garden and disappeared behind the hotel. Miss Wu ran to find it while Tusks remained to officiate the marrow/dinosaur arrangements.
Miss Wu was relieved to see the airship had landed outside the hotel, with Capt. Cookie and Ron in the cockpit. She was pleased to see Winterbottom opening the door; the rescue mission had been a success!
Wu was surprised to see Wildmouth getting off (I thought the hotel was quiet tonight! she thought). She was more surprised to see the four other abductees disembarking.
Oh! she thought. Where am I going to find room for them?!

© David Severn 2013