breaking news

Friday 21 December 2012

day sixty-three and a blue lamp


Winterbottom stumbled around on the Moon, looking up at Mother Earth. He could still see the lights of the Kola Nut Hotel, but now he could see for hundreds of kilometres around it. He was filled with a strange mixture of awe and aaarrghh!
What am I going to do?! he thought.
He wandered around on the Moon’s bright white surface, wondering if he would meet anyone else; he had heard of people being taken by the Moon, but never thought he would be one of them. Then he realised he had never heard of anyone returning from the Moon. He started to run crazily, taking long giant steps and leaps in the weak gravity, enjoying the strange sensation despite his panic.
Eventually he found himself on the dark side of the Moon and all he could see was the Milky Way above.... and a small blue lamp in the distance. He continued running and leaping towards the lamp. 
It can’t be! he thought as he got nearer. 
Winterbottom slowed down as he approached what looked like a small police-station.
I must be dreaming! he thought, as he stopped running and stood considering this new enigma.
He went up to the door of the police-station and rang the doorbell.
The door was opened by what was obviously a police officer, although Winterbottom had never seen one quite like this before. It had the look of a giant insect - definitely quite weird, but not appalling.
“Can I help you?” said the police-insect in a metallic voice.
“Err... yes!” said Winterbottom. “I’m lost!”
“Where do you want to go?”
“To the Kola Nut Hotel!” said Winterbottom.
“No hotels on the Moon,” said the police-insect.
“It’s on Mother Earth!” said Winterbottom, pointing in the direction he had come from. “Over there!”
“I see,” said the police-insect. “Come in.”
Winterbottom was led inside and found himself in a small, neat police office where another identical police-insect was sitting at a desk typing.
“Another one!” said the first police-insect.
“Fill in this form, please,” said the second officer, handing Winterbottom a small piece of yellow paper and a pencil. 
“I just want to know how to get back to Mother Earth,” said Winterbottom. “Can you....”
“Please fill in the form,” said the first police-insect.
Still befuddled, Winterbottom tried to fill in the form.



© David Severn 2012

Friday 14 December 2012

day sixty-three and a delivery


Capt. Cookie paced up and down anxiously in the hotel lobby. His co-pilot and stewardess had gone into the exotic garden the day before and not returned. And then his steward, Winterbottom, had been abducted by the Moon during the night. Now it was the next morning and the captain was waiting for the grocery blimp.
“It should be here soon!” said Miss Wu, the hotel manager.
Cookie went outside and looked up into the sky. 
Eventually, the grocery blimp appeared and McCluskey, the flying grocer, dropped the delivery; six boxes with small parachutes attached floated down to the ground. Capt. Cookie ran over to the spot where the boxes landed, followed by Skates with the hotel luggage cart. The captain opened the first box, coffee, and put it on the cart. He opened the second box, tea, and put it on the cart. The third box... cakemix. The fourth box... vegetables... the fifth box.... nuts...
“Must be this one!” said Cookie, opening the sixth box. Custard!
“Where’s the oil?!” he cried. “What about the oi....” 
“Look out!” cried Skates.
The captain looked up just as a seventh box landed on his head and knocked him unconscious.

“Oil?” said Capt. Cookie as he came round in the hotel lounge, where Miss Wu was trying to put a teaspoon of raspberry brandy in his beak.
“Yes! Ten bottles of cooking oil. That’s what hit you on the head!” said Wu.
“Good! Now I can get the airship going again. Have Temples and Singsong returned yet?” asked the captain.
“No, I’m afraid not,” said Wu, “but Tusks has gone to find them.”
“I see. Well, let’s hope he finds them before nightfall. I need my crew with me to rescue Winterbottom,” said Cookie.
“I’m sorry about what happened,” said Wu. “We’ve never had any guests abducted by the Moon before.”
“Nevermind,” said the captain. “I’ve heard stories about people disappearing like that, but I didn’t believe them. Now we know it’s true! Poor old Winterbottom! I hope he’s all right up there!”


© David Severn 2012

Wednesday 12 December 2012

day sixty-two and the moon


The next morning, everyone went down to breakfast (fish sausages, Kola Nut Hotel 's special tamarind sauce, flapjacks with sycamore syrup). Then the penguins, seals, sea-otters and the walrus spent the whole day playing in the pool, while Capt. Cookie and Lieutenant Temples, the co-pilot, went back to the airship to check everything. Skates, the bellboybird, took them in the hotel luggage cart and watched while they tested the instruments and tightened bolts etc. The captain had asked Miss Wu, the hotel manager, to order some catering-quality cooking oil from McCluskey, and they were expecting him to deliver it in the grocery blimp the next day. Wu had some high-octane extra virgin olive oil, but Capt. Cookie thought such rich stuff might spoil the engine.
Later on, in the afternoon, after the maintenance work was finished, Temples and Supervisor Singsong went for a walk in the hotel's exotic garden and got completely lost.
That evening, back in the hotel there was a bit of a commotion.
“Wildmouth, you monsterpiece!!” shouted Miss Wu. “You ate the harpsichord?”
“I was hungry - I thought it was a gazelle,” said Wildmouth. “Anyway, I only ate one or two legs.”
“Well, there are bite marks on the flank and neck too,” said Wu. ”And scratches all over the lid! It’s going to cost a lot to restore it to it’s former glory. Not to mention the trauma it must have suffered!”
“I’m sorry,” said Wildmouth. “I’ll pay for the restoration. Put it on my bill.”

Night fell, and Lieutenant Temples and Superviser Singsong were still wandering around in the exotic garden hopelessly lost. They spent the night in the garden, huddled together against the chill and lit by a bright moonlight.
The Moon was behaving eccentrically that night. It came down lower and lower, closer and closer, until it was just above the roof of the hotel, where the other two members of the airship’s crew were now sleeping. Capt. Cookie was fast asleep, but Commander Winterbottom, the steward, woke up and was shocked to see the Moon two or three  metres above him. Squinting in the white light, he stood up. He could feel the Moon gently pulling him. It was irresistable. He jumped up and then he was on the surface of the Moon! He held tight as it started to rise up again. He called to Capt. Cookie: “Sir! Skipper!”  The captain woke up with a start and couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “Winterbottom!” shouted the captain. “Jump!”
Winterbottom was now standing on the bottom of the Moon with Mother Earth ten metres above him. He tried to jump but he couldn’t escape the Moon’s gravity. The Moon continued to rise.


Zhulian Wildmouth made his name as a young tearaway lion actor, when he portrayed Sir Charlton Boniface, the cross-dressing, water-skiing philanthropist. He is not in the spotlight now apart from the occasional guest appearance in a magic lantern show. Although his celebrity aura is now dimmed, critics are frightened of him after what happened to Snodgrass Twit, who had given him a bad review. (Similar treatment should be feared by anyone suggesting he might have let himself go.) He's a permanent guest at the Kola Nut Hotel.

© David Severn 2012

Friday 7 December 2012

day sixty-one and a surprise


The airship slowed down and down, and Capt. Cookie was forced to land. The crew and passengers all watched as the Moose Brothers’ Skycruiser continued unchallenged to the Kola Nut Hotel.
“Looks like we’re scuppered, skipper,” said the co-pilot.
“Mmm... if only we’d had a little more oil, we could have done it,” said the captain as they saw the Skycruiser approach the hotel...... and fly straight on!
“It’s not stopping after all!” cried the co-pilot.
“Ahem... Ladybirds and gentlebirdmen!” announced the captain into the microphone. “Please disembark and we will walk the short distance to the hotel. Please take all your belongings with you!”
“Hooray!” cheered all the passengers, flinging off their seatbelts and excitedly getting their luggage down from the overhead compartments.
When all the passengers had disembarked, the steward, Commander Winterbottom, and the stewardess, Supervisor Singsong, led the way to the hotel which was about a hundred-and-fifty metres away.
In the cockpit, Capt. Cookie and Lieutenant Temples did a few diagnostics and a bit of paperwork and then locked the airship and followed the others.
Ron was thrilled to be returning to the Kola Nut Hotel, where his adventure in the Chilly Peaks had all started when he pulled the rope that was dangling through the cocktail lounge window.
A bellboybird at the hotel saw them coming and went out to meet them. His name was Skates. He put all the passengers bags on a luggage trolley and led them into the hotel lobby, where the manager at the desk, Miss Wu, scrambled to find available rooms and spare hammocks for them all.  She put ten penguins together in one room and eight more in another. The seals and sea-otters shared a room and Fattum the walrus got a room to himself. Supervisor Singsong was given a single room and Capt. Cookie, Temples and Winterbottom were allocated the roof. Ron was accomodated on the patio with Fred and his spider friends.



© David Severn 2012

Thursday 6 December 2012

day sixty-one and a race


After what seemed like ages and ages and ages, the airship finally reached the edge of the swamp and the terrible shaking ceased.
“Damage report, please, Temples,” said Capt. Cookie.
“Y-y-es, c-c-ca-captain,” said the co-pilot, whose beak hadn’t quite recovered.
He checked the instruments in the cockpit, which had now all stopped malfunctioning.
“Fuel’s in the r-r-red, captain,” said the co-pilot.
“Let’s hope it’s enough to get us to the hotel!” said the captain. “Look, there it is!”
The Kola Nut Hotel was now visible in the distance, with the glittering blue sea beyond.
“Ladybirds and gentlebirdmen,” the captain announced. “We will soon be arriving at our destination. We hope you have had a pleasant flight with us today... I mean these last few days, and we look forward to having the pleasure of.......... Oh, cockle cobblers! I don’t believe it!”
The co-pilot was pointing up into the sky above them, where another airship was heading straight for the hotel.
“It’s a Moose Brothers’ Skycruiser,” said Capt. Cookie. “If it gets to the hotel first there’ll be no room left for us!”
“And the next hotel is a hundred kilometres away!” added the co-pilot, whose beak was now all right.
“Our passengers aren’t going to be very happy!” said the steward, who had come to the cockpit to see what was going on.
“Hold on!” said the captain, pushing the throttle forward. “Kola Nut or bust!”
The engine gasped and wheezed at the sudden urgency. The airship jerked forward and accelerated, pushing the passengers back into their seats. Cups toppled into laps. The puzzle pieces scattered down the aisle and under seats. The race was on! The prize: comfy hammocks, fish sausages with tamarind gravy for breakfast, good times in the pool and the cocktail bar!
They were now neck-and-neck with the Skycruiser, although it was up at an altitude of about thirty metres, whereas Capt. Cookie was still flying very low, just a few metres above the surface.
Just then, there was a loud grumble from the engine....... and then silence.
“Out of fuel, Captain,” said the co-pilot.

© David Severn 2012