breaking news

Sunday 30 September 2012

meanwhile back in the garden


Meanwhile back in the garden, oblivious to Ron’s recent adventures and his current plight, Percy and his friends continued living their lives pretty much as normal. Percy himself was working on his guidebook to the teahouses of the Gardenlands. You can read one of the entries from the guidebook below.
Puff was painting his abstracts or lying in his hammock daydreaming. 
Pip was taking photosnaps, a sample of which, along with Pip’s photosnappic tip for fellow photosnappers, can be seen below.
Bill and Bobby had finished decorating the policebirdbox and were busy trying to re-establish law and order after Sheriff Tinned Tomatoes quit, having been constantly terrorised by Lucy. This involved a lot of paperwork and tea and biscuits.

gggggggggggggggggggggggggg

Percy’s Guide to the Tea Houses of the Gardenlands #1

Go over the red hot brick wall (somehow) and then across the white pepper ground and along beside the pickle farm and the beetroot positions and then along the haphazard path for about twenty minutes, past the bicycle pumpkins and the tonic water fountain.
Then you have to orient yourself across the cotton shirt tails wilderness and eventually you’ll get to a nice little tea-house. This is Tea House No. 1. Highly recommended.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Pip’s Photosnap Abum #1

*An action shot - stand very still and press the button quick!

© David Severn 2012

Friday 28 September 2012

day fifty-two and dangling



As the giant snowball containing Ron and the spy rolled over the edge of the ledge, Ron managed to pull the trigger of the harpoon-gun. The harpoon shot out of the snowball and up into the air, sticking into the door of the Soup Shack. The rope attaching the harpoon to the gun-stock was pulled taught and the snowball jerked to a halt and was left dangling about ten metres below the ledge. In the cold air in the shadow of the mountain the snowball started to freeze and before long Ron and the spy were left in a state of suspended animation. It was an odd sight; a large iceball on the end of a rope, with a beak sticking out here and a boot sticking out there.
And that is how it stayed, as night fell and the wind and the wolf howled.

© David Severn 2012

Wednesday 26 September 2012

day fifty-two and the spy's identity is revealed

"Tell me the beetroot soup recipe!" demanded the spy.
"I can tell you how to make burnt toast, if you like?" said Ron.
"Beetroot soup!" shouted the spy agitatedly.
"O.K!" said Ron, eyeing the harpoon-gun the spy was waving around carelessly as she took out a notebook and pencil.
"First, peel the potatoes," began Ron, trying to remember what he had read in Benny's recipe book.
"You mean beetroot!" said the spy.
"Yes, beetroot," said Ron.
"How do you spell "beetroot"?" asked the spy.
"B-e-e-t-r-o-o-t" spelt Ron.
"Then what?" said the spy.
"Then chop the potatoes... I mean beetroot."
"Good."
"Next, put the po... beetroot in a pot of boiling water, and.."
"How do you spell "boiling water"?" asked the spy.
"B-o-i-l-i... Hey, wait a minute! I know you! You're the one who was taking notes in the courtroom!" said Ron.
"No, I'm not!" said the spy.
"Yes, you are! You're the stenographer. You kept asking how to spell everything!"
"I'm not! I'm a spy!" said the spy. "How do you spell "stenographer"?" 
Ron jumped forward and tried to grab the harpoon-gun, but the spy/stenographer wouldn't let go and they rolled around the floor of the Soup Shack, crashing into tables and chairs. Then they rolled out onto the ledge and started to get covered in snow and before long they were both embedded in a giant snowball. The snowball rolled to the edge of the ledge and.... fell off.

© David Severn 2012

Tuesday 25 September 2012

day fifty-two and a secret ingredient


Ron woke up early the next morning. He was very hungry.
Just then he heard the sound of a small engine... it was the grocery blimp!
Ron jumped out of his hammock and went to the door. He ran out onto the ledge outside the Soup Shack. Up above was the grocery blimp, which had come to deliver vegetables and other catering essentials. A small hatch at the back of the blimp’s gondola opened and a flipper came out and waved, before pushing out two boxes, which floated down to the surface of the ledge on small parachutes. The first box hit the ground gently with a quiet thump as you would expect, while the second made a slightly unusual sound. Ron waved back to the blimp and picked up one of the boxes and carried it into the Soup Shack. He found the second box was heavier and had to push it. Probably potatoes or swedes! thought Ron.
Ron closed the door and opened the first box, slitting the tape which sealed it with a carving knife. Inside, there were some carrots, some cabbages, some cauliflowers, some beans, some onions, some leeks, some shallots, some herbs, and some other soup ingredients. There was also a large packet of prawn crackers which Ron ate in one ten second frenzy, and a few packets of biscuits which saw the light of day for milli-seconds.
His appetite temporarily sated, Ron put the kettle on the stove. Now that Ron had eaten something, Fred the spider felt it was safe to come out of his webnest. Ron read out the delivery note that was attached to the first box. The note listed everything that was in the first box, plus one other thing, which was “Secret ingredient”. 
“That must be in the other box,” said Ron. “Whatever it is, it’s quite heavy. I had to push it to get it in!”
“Better open it,” said Fred.
“Or we could leave it till later,” said Ron.
Ron and Fred stared at the box, which seemed to wobble slightly.
Ron got the carving knife and slit it open.
“Heavy, eh?” shouted the spy, bursting out of the box. She was holding a very dangerous-looking harpoon gun. “Get over there against the wall and put your hands up!”

© David Severn 2012

Monday 24 September 2012

day fifty-one and Benny flashes back



Ron continued reading Benny’s report about the spy. If I hadn’t seen her with my own eyes I would not believe all this! thought Ron. 
This part was also concealed inside a recipe.

“Shepherd Spy”

Step 1: Peel potatoes (3-4) and carrots (1-2). I was glad I had brought the spoon! But actually, I had intended to use it for another purpose. I landed the rotor-sledge on a level area on the mountain-side and got out.

Step 2: Fry the meat with onions and season appropriately. I took the spoon from my pocket again and held it up, trying to get the angle just right to reflect the sun to the right spot on the far mountain.
“I have got the beetroot soup recipe.” I flashed. I waited a few seconds.
“You have done well, Agent 246.” came the reply. Whoever it was on the other mountain top, they obviously didn’t realise that it was actually me signalling and not the spy.
“What should I do with it?” I signalled.
“You must memorise it and then eat it,” they flashed back. 
“ Eat it?”
“Yes, it must be destroyed to make sure it does not fall into the hands of the Emperor,” they replied. “S.M.I.R.K. is pleased with your work, Agent 246. When you return you will be amply rewarded. And by the way, your spelling is much improved!”

I can’t believe this! thought Ron. S.M.I.R.K.?!

Step 3: Make a nice thick gravy and put it over the meat in an oven-proof dish. I went straight back to the Soup Shack and tore out the beetroot soup recipe from the recipe book and ate it.

Step 4: Put the mashed potatoes on top of the meat and gravy and bake in the oven or under the grill untill the top is nice and brown. 


There were no more entries by Benny from this point. Ron tried to figure out what must have happened next.
The spy must have broken into the Soup Shack as soon as Benny came to rescue me when the airship was attacked by the snow-mice. She would have found the page with the beetroot soup recipe was torn out. When the Emperor came to visit, Benny made beetroot soup to make sure he had memorised the recipe and served it to the Emperor and it was good. Then the spy must have stealthily boarded the Imperial Zeppelin when we were seized by the Emperor. The spy didn’t know that Benny gave the beetroot soup recipe to the Emperor after we were released from custardy, and assumed that he had told it to me, so she impudently travelled back with me in the Airship Mini. In fact, Benny did not tell me the recipe.

Ron explained all this to Fred.
“What do you think?” Ron asked.
“I think it’s time for bed, said Fred.

© David Severn 2012

Friday 21 September 2012

day fifty-one and chase the spy



“Spycy Dumplings”

Step 1: Mix the flour, water and fat together in a mixing bowl or large flowerpot. I soon had the rotor-sledge started, it’s engine humming nicely. I had a thought and went back into the Soup Shack to get a spoon, then I got into the rotor-sledge and took off.

Step 2: Make a nice stew. In a few minutes I was zooming high above the mountain. Some goats ran away. Some just stood still. A hare leaped around crazily. A condor glided up close and said how-do-you-do. And then I saw the spy!

Step 3: Put the dumplings in the stew and simmer gently for thirty minutes. And the spy saw me! She ran and fell as I brought the rotor-sledge in as low as I dared. And the same thing on the next pass. And again. The fourth time though, she turned around and pointed the snow-pistol directly at me and fired!

Step 4: When the dumplings are fluffy you can serve. Oh, I forgot to say add seasoning to the dumpling mix, sorry. Keeping the rotor-sledge steady with one hand, I quickly pulled out the spoon I had brought with me and held it up in front of me, reflecting the ice spray back at the spy.
She got hit in the shoulder and snow started shooting out like sparks from a Roman candle.

Step 5: If the dumplings are not fluffy, you have done something wrong, so go back and start again. The spy slid down the mountain, still flapping at her shoulder. I hovered above and just saw her reach the bottom. She stood up and stumbled off in a dizzy zig-zag.

Bwaaaarrrmble! Ron’s stomach rumbled as he turned the page.

© David Severn 2012

Wednesday 19 September 2012

day fifty-one and a strange recipe/hidden message



Nothing to eat! thought Ron, looking down at the empty plate. He looked at the recipe book which still lay open on the table. Unn! There on the page, in Benny’s careful hand-writing was written: “Spy in the Soup”. It looked just like a recipe, but when he read it, Ron found it contained a hidden message:

“Spy in the Soup”

Step 1: Peel and chop six large potatoes and ten carrots. I was out on patrol this morning and saw a mysterious birdlady near the top of the mountain. She was wearing a bureacrat’s hat and moonglasses.

Step 2: Put the water, about 3 litres, on the stove and bring to a boil. I slipped behind a rock and proceeded to watch the birdlady’s behaviour. She was apparently signalling with a small mirror. I looked and saw flashes of light reciprocating from another mountain top. I realised the birdlady was a spy!

Step 3: Add the soup stock and the vegetables and three large onions, finely chopped. I soon perceived the flashes of light to be in Int-it code, and was able to make out a few words: “policebirdman”, “spoon”, “bartender”, “trylobite”(maybe), “mahogany inlay”(maybe again), “thistle”(or possibly “whistle”), “up your jumper”(not sure about that either). I also watched the flashes from the other mountain and caught the words “get the beetroot soup recipe”.

Step 4: Cook the soup on a low heat for about thirty minutes, adding salt and pepper to taste. The birdlady finished signalling and the flashes from the other mountain also stopped. Then she turned to look in my direction and put her wingflipper up to her moonglasses. Although I didn’t move a muscle I think she must have seen me, because she pulled out a kind of pistol thing which she shot into the air above her head. This caused snow to fall around her like a screen. When the snow stopped a few seconds later she was gone.

Step 5: Add paprika or herbs or anything. I hurried back to the Soup Shack and got the rotor-sledge ready for an anti-espionage  reconnaissance trip.

Ron couldn’t believe what he was reading! What was going on here! Bwaarrmble! His stomach rumbled again, rattling the spoons in the drawer. He hurriedly turned the page of the recipe book to find out what happened next.

© David Severn 2012

Friday 14 September 2012

day fifty-one and an avalanche



Luckily, it wasn't a wolf! Ron saw the spy's tail disappearing around the corner of the Soup Shack and chased after her. Behind the shack there was a steep path going up the mountain. 
“Excuse me!” Ron shouted, but the spy kept running. 
Ron kept going and was starting to catch up with her when suddenly there was a loud rumbling noise. Bwaarrrrrmble! It was Ron's empty stomach rumbling! The noise was so loud that it started an avalanche and in a matter of seconds the path in front of Ron was covered in snow. Ron couldn't go forward and beyond the pile of snow he saw the spy turn around to look before continuing up the path and away.
Ron shrugged and decided to go back to the Soup Shack to eat his spaghetti; he would have to continue his mountain policebirdforce duties later. 
Ron was about halfway down the path when suddenly there was the sound of paws on snow – and a great big wolf came running up the path towards him! The wolf's lips and the fur around it's mouth were splattered with some red substance and it was a terrible sight. 
“Aaaargggh!” screamed Ron, unable to move or speak. The wolf was almost upon him and then..... it ran past him and disappeared up the path around the mountain.
Ron hurried back to the Soup Shack - hoping to get back before the wolf got hungry again. What or who had it just eaten? When he reached the Soup Shack he closed and bolted the door. 
Phew! he thought. Now I can eat my spaghetti in peace! 
But the spaghetti was gone! The plate was still on the table where he had left it, but it had been licked clean.
You left the door wide open and a wolf got in!” shouted Fred who came down from the ceiling on a thread to alight on Ron's shoulder. “It ate your spaghetti!” 

© David Severn 2012

Thursday 13 September 2012

day fifty-one and recipes


After the failure with the footprints, Ron was feeling hungry. He went into the Soup Shack's kitchen and looked around – everything was just as Benny had explained.
Ron found Benny's book of recipes on the shelf. “Benny's Big Book of Soup Recipes” was hand-written on the cover. Ron opened the book at random: “Cabbage Soup”, “Leek Soup”, “Carrot Soup”, “Fennel Soup”, “Edelweis Salad”. Everything sounded good, but Ron looked everywhere and couldn't see any vegetables. Benny had said that the grocery blimp would be coming the next morning with supplies. But Ron was really hungry now! There wasn't even any bread to make burnt toast (Ron's speciality). However, he looked in the cupboard and found a tin of tomato sauce.
Yes!” said Ron.
Then he dived into the cupboard and fumbled around, finally reversing out and standing with arms aloft, the tin of tomato sauce in one hand and a packet of spaghetti in the other. 
Yes!” Ron shouted. 
He flicked through Benny's book. Looking for a recipe for spaghetti.  “Potato Soup”... “Zucchini Soup”... “Quiche Lorraine”... Ron was salivating now. “Sherry Trifle”... “Spinach Soup”.... “Spaghetti with Tomato Sauce”
Yes!” shouted Ron.
He found a tin-opener and set to work. It was a bit complicated, but before long the spaghetti was bubbling away nicely and the smell of  tomato sauce filled the Soup Shack. Just then, Ron heard a scuffling sound outside the front door. It might have been a shuffling sound or even a snuffling sound, Ron couldn't really tell. 
Wolf! he thought. Do wolves like spaghetti? Maybe it’s the spy! 
Ron had to find out. He grasped the door-knob and opened the door.

© David Severn 2012

Wednesday 12 September 2012

day fifty-one and footprints




“Footprints? Where?” said Fred.
“Outside! In the snow! I forgot to look for the spy's footprints!” said Ron.
Ron ran out on to the ledge outside the Soup Shack, with Fred still on his shoulder.
“Look! Here! Footprints!” cried Ron.
“Goat's,” said Fred.
“Here!” said Ron.
“Hare's,” said Fred.
“These big ones – they're all over the place!” shouted Ron, running around crazily.
“Yours!” said Fred. “You nincompoop!”
“Nndf!”said Ron, deflatedly.
“Well.... how about these? They're different,” said Ron.
Fred had a long look.
“Wolf's!” said Fred.
Whuh-huh!” they both said, and quickly went inside again and closed the door.

© David Severn 2012

Tuesday 11 September 2012

day fifty-one and the new uniform has an immediate effect




Ron walked around on the ledge outside the Soup Shack, looking for the mystery birdlady, but there was no-one there. He looked around and saw Captain Peters Cookie and his crew standing at the door of the Airship Mini. They saluted.
Ron, hampered by the big parcel, fumbled a salute back and went to the door of the Soup Shack. 
“I think she must be a spy!” Ron said to Fred.
“Or maybe you imagined her!” said Fred cheerfully.
“Hnf!” said Ron, unlocking the door of the Soup Shack and entering.  Once inside, he undid the parcel and looked at the brilliant mountain policebirdforce uniform. 
“Wow!” said Ron.
”Wow!” said Fred.
Ron immediately took the uniform into the small cabin at the back of the shack and changed into it.
He looked at himself in the small dusty mirror. The scarlet tunic with the big silver buttons (the ones found in the butler’s coat pockets in the courtroom) looked great, and the fawn felt hat was wonderful and the trousers with the stripe down the side were cool and the shiny brown boots were fantastic.
“Pretty good!” said Ron.
“You look like a policebird officer!” said Fred.
“Yeah!” said Ron. “I feel like one too!”
Ron really did suddenly feel like a crime-buster, a clue-hunter...
“Footprints!” shouted Ron suddenly.

© David Severn 2012

Monday 10 September 2012

day fifty-on and what normally would have been a thrill (going in the cockpit)




Ron went to the open door of the Airship Mini and looked out, but there was no sign of the mysterious birdlady! 
“Who was that?” he asked the stewardess who was standing at the door. 
“I don’t know, sir. I thought she was with you.” she said.
The stewardess pulled a piece of paper from her pocket.
“This is the flight manifest,” she said, “Crew: 3. Passengers: 2: Mr. Ron Stork & Friend.”
“That’s “Fred”, not “Friend”!” said Ron.
“Ooops!” said the stewardess. “So who is Fred?”
“This is Fred!” said Ron, pointing to Fred, who was sitting on his shoulder.
“Aaargh!” The stewardess screamed and ran into the cockpit.
Ron opened the overhead luggage compartment to get his parcel. He was in a hurry to get off and see who this birdlady was and why she had come to the Soup Shack, but then the stewardess called out, “Before you disembark, sir, the captain would like to speak to you in the cockpit.”

“Thank you for travelling with us and we hope we will have the pleasure of serving you again soon,” said Captain Peters Cookie, when Ron entered the cockpit. “And also a personal thank you for saving us all last time. I’d like, on behalf of Imperial Airlines, to present you with this V.I.P. badge. You can travel with us for free anytime (conditions apply) and definitely no need to panic at all.”
“Don’t mention it!” said Ron.
“This is my co-pilot, Lieutenant Wings Norbert.” said Cookie.
“This is the throttle,” said the co-pilot, ”and this is the brake. Automatic gearbox. Indicators, left - “tick-tick-tick”, right - “tock-tock-tock”, altimeter, speedometer, gas meter, windscreen wipers - “shwip-shwip-shwipp”. This is the jolly joystick, power-assisted steering, of course, air-conditioning, radio, cigar-lighter, glove compartment containing a map, some sweets, petrol receipts, some pebbles, a glove etc, rearview mirror, sun-visors, a thing to put a bottle of water or soft drink in....”
“Thanks! Got to go!”said Ron, exiting the cockpit, He got his parcel and jumped off the Airship Mini. There was no sign of the birdlady - she had vanished.
“Flapping flippers, Fred!” exclaimed Ron. “Where could she have gone?!”
“Who?” replied Fred.
“The mysterious birdlady who was sitting just behind us.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I was asleep for the whole journey,” said Fred, yawning and rubbing his four eyes.

© David Severn 2012

Sunday 9 September 2012

day fifty-one and the Mini airship lands at the Soup Shack


Who is it?! Ron glanced again at the mysterious birdlady sitting in the seat behind him. She was wearing a felt bureaucrat’s hat and a pair of moonglasses. Where was she going? Was she going to the Chilly Peaks? To the Soup Shack?
“Prepare for take-off!” It was the captain’s voice again. “No need to panic.”
Suddenly, the Airship Mini shot up into the air, as powerful springs in the bottom were released (leaving Ron’s stomach to catch up a few seconds later) and they were on their way.
The journey was quite uneventful. There were no attacks by the snow-mice and there really was no need to panic. Ron gazed out of the porthole at the icy landscape below. They zipped over expanses of ice and frozen mud and before long Ron could see Mount Craigamigo in the distance and he knew they would soon reach the Chilly Peaks.
The stewardess appeared and gave Ron some liquorice sweets and a sky beer (it was bright blue!), but the birdlady must have silently refused with a gesture, as the stewardess went straight back to the cockpit.
Eventually, the Imperial Mini, the Emperor’s private little airship, arrived at the Soup Shack.
Right! thought Ron. Now, I’ll surely find out what’s going on! If the birdlady gets off she’ll have to explain who she is!
The stewardess opened the door and Ron undid his seatbelt and got up from his seat, stretched his arms above his head and looked discretely at.... the birdlady was gone!

© David Severn 2012

Saturday 8 September 2012

day fifty-one and Benny amazes


The Emperor introduced Benny to the Imperial Kitchen’s headchef, who Benny was going to take over from on his impending retirement.
Benny got kitted out in his starchy whites and tall chef’s toque and washed his hands. 
“Ow!” shouted Benny. 
“The hot water’s very hot so be careful,” said the head-chef. 
“Thanks for telling me!” said Benny, blowing on his scalded mits.
“You’ll have to learn on the job, today, I’m afraid. The Emperor’s got some V.I.P.s coming for dinner so it’s all hands on deck, all grist to the mill, take no prisoners and where there’s a will there’s a way.” said the head-chef.
“Nnf!” said Benny.
“First of all, these parsnips need spongifying - can you handle that?” said the head-chef.
“Certainly. Give me the parsnips” said Benny, confidently.

It was amazing. The head-chef was amazed how good Benny was. The head-waiter was amazed and all the waiters were amazed. Benny was also quite amazed. He had been being a bit coy when he said he could only make soup, as in fact, he had developed his cooking skills in the old policebirdforce canteen, but even so he thought he might be a bit rusty. But somehow it all came back to him and he spongified the parsnips just right and everything else the head-chef asked him to do.

© David Severn 2012

Friday 7 September 2012

day fifty-one and Ron gets measured and boards the Mini


There was a bit of a delay with the measurement-taking when the tailor said he’d have to go back to his workshop for a shorter tape measure because Ron was so thin, but before long the tailor had finished and was hurrying off to start work. Benny gave Ron the key to the Soup Shack and a few hints about efficient soup-making and how to deal with “fusstomers” (fussy customers).
Ron was a bit disappointed when he found out he wasn’t going to be taken back in the massive Imperial Zeppelin. Instead the Emperor sent a pilot and co-pilot to kick-start his personal gad-a-bout, known as the Imperial Mini. On the other hand, Fred was relieved to know he didn’t have to travel on a cloud and enter the Soup Shack on a snowflake.
“I’ll come over in a few days to see how you’re getting on,” said Benny, waving to Ron as he boarded the Mini. “There’s a new box of spoons in the cupboard if you need them,” he said.
“Thanks! Enjoy cheffing!” said Ron, trying to wave while clutching a large brown paper parcel containing his new mountain policebirdforce uniform. He’d made sure he had a three-band white chevron stitched onto the sleeves of the tunic, and he couldn’t wait to try it on.
“You too!” said Benny. “Bye, Fred!”
“Bye, Benny!” said Fred from Ron’s shoulder. Ron went inside the Mini’s cabin. It was quite small and there were just a few seats. Ron put the parcel in the overhead luggage compartment and sat in a seat next to one of the little portholes and waved to Benny as the steward closed the door.

“This is your captain speaking. Welcome onboard this extraordinary Imperial flight to the Soup Shack.”
Ron thought he recognised the captain’s voice.
“We will be taking off in about one minute, so please fasten your seatbelts. The seatbelts can be adjusted by sliding the belt through the buckle. No need to panic.” said the captain.
Gulp! thought Ron. It’s old Captain Peters Cookie again!  
That’s right - it was the same pilot as before, when Ron had travelled on the airship all the way from the Kola Nut Hotel. He tried to contain his anxiety so as not to frighten Fred. 
I hope we don’t get attacked by snow-mice.... if we do, it looks like I’m going to be the volunteer again! he thought, looking around to confirm that he and Fred were the only passengers.
But actually they weren’t the only passengers!

© David Severn 2012

Wednesday 5 September 2012

day fifty-one and uniforms swing it


“But the only thing I can cook is burnt toast!” said Ron when Benny told him he had decided to take up the Emperor’s offer to take over as chef in the Imperial Kitchen and asked Ron to fill in for him at the Soup Shack.
“You’ ll be o.k,” said Benny. “It’s just for a few weeks until I can find someone permanent. The Soup Shack’s been closed for two days already and it’s bad for business. All the recipes are in the book and everything you need is right there. You’ll have to take over patrolling as well though, so I’ve arranged for the Emperor’s tailor to make you a mountain policebirdforce uniform. He’s coming now to take your measurements.”
Ron imagined himself in a fine new scarlet tunic (with big silver buttons) and a fawn wide-brimmed hat, white gloves and shiny brown boots.
“All right, I’ll do it!” he said.

“But the only thing you can cook is burnt toast!” said Fred, when Ron told him about his new position.
“Well, Benny said it’s all about atitude rather than experience, “ said Ron. “You can help me - you can be assistant cook!”
Fred imagined himself wearing a tall chef’s toque and a white neckerchief.
“I’m in!” said Fred.

© David Severn 2012