The brigands’ dirty craft drew nearer to the grocery blimp. McCluskey could see them on the deck. They all had twisted hair and knotted beards. They smelt really bad.
“Give us all your valuables!” shouted the leader, gesticulating with a rusty cutlass.
“I haven’t got anything valuable!” said McCluskey.
“Arr... they all say that!” shouted the leader, and all the brigands roared with laughter.
“I deliver groceries!” pleaded McCluskey.
“Groceries!” shouted the leader. “Well, we’ll have your bottles of champagne and your tins of caviar then!”
“I’ve only got lettuces - and I need those. The Chef at the Imperial Palace is waiting for them.”
“Lettuces?!” said the leader. “We don’t like lettuces!”
The brigands all jeered and grumbled.
“Surely you can do better than that?” said the leader. “I’ll bet you’ve got something special for the Emperor. Some chocolate perhaps? We know he’s got a sweet beak. You could give it to us and we’ll let you go on your way with your nasty lettuces!”
There was more cheering from the deck.
“I haven’t got anything!” said McCluskey.
“Hand it over, Sonny Jim!” said the leader. “Come on, we haven’t got all day you know!”
McCluskey was determined not to let the brigands have the yak milk white chocolate. He took one of the lettuces and threw it at the stinking craft. The brigands all ducked and laughed, pretending to be frightened.
McCluskey threw some more lettuces at them.
“Arrgh, I’m hit!” cried the leader sarcastically, holding his hand to his head. The brigands howled with laughter. The leader picked up one of the lettuces and tossed it up in the air. As it fell, he swished his cutlass back and forward through the air energetically, leaving a neat pile of shredded lettuce on the deck.
“Now, come on Sonny Jim,” he said darkly, “let’s have it!”
McCluskey was determined not to relinquish the chocolate, but watched helplessly as the brigands extended a plank from their craft and the leader stepped up onto it.
“Get the chocolate out, Sonny Jim!” he said. “I’m coming to get it! There’s no guarantee that I won’t slip and accidentally cut your ear off, but the chances of that happening may be less if you hold the chocolate out so that I can take it easily and concentrate on balancing!”
“Don’t look down!” cried one of the brigands, causing a great laugh from the deck. Without turning around, the leader made a rude gesture towards his crew.
“Don’t fall off!” cried another brigand. More laughter.
The leader wobbled on his high-heeled boots and flung his arms around.
“Shut up, you fools!” he shouted, annoyed. “You’re putting me off!”
“Don’t wet yourself!” cried a third brigand. Huge laughter ensued. Even McCluskey couldn’t help sniggering. Before the leader had chance to act on that advice, a pigeon flew past and got him with a streak of the white stuff.
“Gnah!” shouted the leader, lunging at the dirty bird with his cutlass. “My best jacket!”
Uncontrollable laughter ensued.
“Stop laughing, you filth!” shouted the leader, “you’re shaking the plank!”
But the leader was a hard nut, and he edged along the shaking plank to within a yard of the blimp’s basket.
“Give me the chocolate!” he demanded. “I’m going to eat it all myself - that’ll show those wretches who's boss!”
“It’s way past its sell-by date!” bluffed McCluskey.
“I don’t care!” said the leader, “so am I!”
“It’s gone mouldy!” bluffed McCluskey.
“I like a bit of mould!” said the leader.
“There are ants crawling around in the grooves between the squares!” bluffed McCluskey.
“Don’t mind!” said the leader.
“It smells awful!”
“I’ll hold my nose!”
“It’ll taste really bad!”
“I’ll be the judge of that!”
“Err. . . “ McCluskey couldn’t think of anything else to say to deter the salivating brigand leader, who now lifted a leg to climb into the basket.
To be continued.
© David Severn
© David Severn
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