day fifty-one and Benny amazes

The Emperor introduced Benny to the Imperial Kitchen’s headchef, who Benny was going to take over from on his impending retirement.

Benny got kitted out in his starchy whites and tall chef’s toque and washed his hands. 

“Ow!” shouted Benny. 

“The hot water’s very hot so be careful,” said the head-chef. 

“Thanks for telling me!” said Benny, blowing on his scalded mits.

“You’ll have to learn on the job, today, I’m afraid. The Emperor’s got some V.I.P.s coming for dinner so it’s all hands on deck, all grist to the mill, take no prisoners and where there’s a will there’s a way.” said the head-chef.

“Nnf!” said Benny.

“First of all, these parsnips need spongifying - can you handle that?” said the head-chef.

“Certainly. Give me the parsnips” said Benny, confidently.

It was amazing. The head-chef was amazed how good Benny was. The head-waiter was amazed and all the waiters were amazed. Benny was also quite amazed. He had been being a bit coy when he said he could only make soup, as in fact, he had developed his cooking skills in the old policebirdforce canteen, but even so he thought he might be a bit rusty. But somehow it all came back to him and he spongified the parsnips just right and everything else the head-chef asked him to do.

© David Severn 2012

day fifty-one and Ron gets measured and boards the Mini

There was a bit of a delay with the measurement-taking when the tailor said he’d have to go back to his workshop for a shorter tape measure because Ron was so thin, but before long the tailor had finished and was hurrying off to start work. Benny gave Ron the key to the Soup Shack and a few hints about efficient soup-making and how to deal with “fusstomers” (fussy customers).

Ron was a bit disappointed when he found out he wasn’t going to be taken back in the massive Imperial Zeppelin. Instead the Emperor sent a pilot and co-pilot to kick-start his personal gad-a-bout, known as the Imperial Mini. On the other hand, Fred was relieved to know he didn’t have to travel on a cloud and enter the Soup Shack on a snowflake.

“I’ll come over in a few days to see how you’re getting on,” said Benny, waving to Ron as he boarded the Mini. “There’s a new box of spoons in the cupboard if you need them,” he said.

“Thanks! Enjoy cheffing!” said Ron, trying to wave while clutching a large brown paper parcel containing his new mountain policebirdforce uniform. He’d made sure he had a three-band white chevron stitched onto the sleeves of the tunic, and he couldn’t wait to try it on.

“You too!” said Benny. “Bye, Fred!”

“Bye, Benny!” said Fred from Ron’s shoulder. Ron went inside the Mini’s cabin. It was quite small and there were just a few seats. Ron put the parcel in the overhead luggage compartment and sat in a seat next to one of the little portholes and waved to Benny as the steward closed the door.

“This is your captain speaking. Welcome onboard this extraordinary Imperial flight to the Soup Shack.”

Ron thought he recognised the captain’s voice.

“We will be taking off in about one minute, so please fasten your seatbelts. The seatbelts can be adjusted by sliding the belt through the buckle. No need to panic.” said the captain.

Gulp! thought Ron. It’s old Captain Peters Cookie again!  

That’s right - it was the same pilot as before, when Ron had travelled on the airship all the way from the Kola Nut Hotel. He tried to contain his anxiety so as not to frighten Fred. 

I hope we don’t get attacked by snow-mice.... if we do, it looks like I’m going to be the volunteer again! he thought, looking around to confirm that he and Fred were the only passengers.

But actually they weren’t the only passengers!

© David Severn 2012

day fifty-one and uniforms swing it

“But the only thing I can cook is burnt toast!” said Ron when Benny told him he had decided to take up the Emperor’s offer to take over as chef in the Imperial Kitchen and asked Ron to fill in for him at the Soup Shack.

“You’ ll be o.k,” said Benny. “It’s just for a few weeks until I can find someone permanent. The Soup Shack’s been closed for two days already and it’s bad for business. All the recipes are in the book and everything you need is right there. You’ll have to take over patrolling as well though, so I’ve arranged for the Emperor’s tailor to make you a mountain policebirdforce uniform. He’s coming now to take your measurements.”

Ron imagined himself in a fine new scarlet tunic (with big silver buttons) and a fawn wide-brimmed hat, white gloves and shiny brown boots.

“All right, I’ll do it!” he said.

“But the only thing you can cook is burnt toast!” said Fred, when Ron told him about his new position.

“Well, Benny said it’s all about atitude rather than experience, “ said Ron. “You can help me - you can be assistant cook!”

Fred imagined himself wearing a tall chef’s toque and a white neckerchief.

“I’m in!” said Fred.

© David Severn 2012

day fifty-one and a dilemma

“The chef can show you the ropes before he retires,”continued the Emperor, trying to convince Benny to take up his offer. “And then you can take over. How about it? It’s one of the most prestigious jobs in the culinary world, you know. You’ll do it, won’t you?!”

“I am deeply splattered Your Highballness,” said Benny, “But I can only  make soup!”

“Then we will have soup every day until you learn some new dishes!” said the Emperor.

“It’s a terribly kind breeze you’re fanning me with, your Highfiveness,” said Benny, ”but I’ll have to think about it. What would I do about the Soup Shack?”

“Ron can look after it!” said the Emperor.”I’m sure he would do well! A birdman of his fortitude would surely take it in his stride. Or if that’s not possible, I suppose I could find another cook.. or I could blow it up with dynamite if you like.”

What a dilemma! Benny thought nostalgic thoughts about the Soup Shack. He would miss the frozen view of the Chilly Peaks and the peace and quiet. And then there were his duties as a part-time mountain policebirdforce officer to consider. Who knows what anarchy would ensue if he was not on patrol? Could he really handle the pressure of being the chef in the Imperial Kitchen? What if, say, his plankton gravy didn’t thicken? How do you make plankton gravy anyway?

© David Severn 2012

day fifty-one and an offer

“It’s the recipe for beetroot soup,” said Benny. “Your Highmindedness said you wanted to give it to your chef.”

“Oh, yes, of course. I’ll make sure he gets it!” said the Emperor.

The Emperor looked thoughtful. 

“He’s a good chef. His tuna head pie is second to none.” he said. “But actually, he’s going to retire soon. Let me put something to you, Benny.”

“Yes, Your Hi-Fi-ness?” said Benny.

“Will you be my new chef?” said the Emperor.

day fifty-one and a tour of the palace

"Er..." said Benny, "I had a bit of an accident."

"Yes, it looks like it!" said the Emperor.

"I came to take you to the infirmary to get Ron and Fred. Then we'll have a quick tour of the palace, a bit of lunch, and then you'll be taken home." said the Emperor.

Benny quickly got dressed and followed the Emperor along some long corridors and up and down some staircases. When they got to the infirmary, Ron was out of bed, admiring his new black eye (the result of his crash-landing in the courtyard the night before) and smoothing his quiff into shape in a mirror. Fred was counting the tiles on the floor (more than ninety).

"He's o.k. Isn't he?" the Emperor asked the doctor.

"He's suffered concussion to the noggin and has beak ache, but he's o.k." said the doctor.

The Emperor led them on his quick tour of the palace. They saw the Great Hall, the No-So-Great Hall, the Arena, the Opera House, the Picture Gallery and the Ice Sculpture Hall, the Atrium, the battlements, the Observatory and the Conservatory and the lavatory. Finally, thoroughly overwhelmed and rather exhausted they were shown into the Grand Refectory, where lunch was served. They had fish sausages and blueberry tart, snow beer and giant potato crisps and prawn cocktail and sherry trifle. Jam tarts, a chocolate glacier, mint hoopoes, cranberry-flanbury, coffee with cream, cream with sugar-ice and a globe of fruit crumble.

Benny scribbled something on a paper napkin and gave it to the Emperor.

"What is this?" said the Emperor, trying to make sense of Benny's note. "A riddle?"

day 51 and Benny inadvertently trashes the suite

Benny finished his breakfast-in-bed and decided it was time to get up and go to the infirmary to see how Ron was getting on. Benny hoped he was feeling fine and that they could go home. It was nice living a life of luxury and everything, biut he was feeling a little homesick for the peaceful autonomy of the Soup Shack (apart from lunchtimes), and the pleasure of patrolling the Chilly Peaks as a part-time Mountain Policebirdforce Officer.

He got out of bed and pulled the golden rope with the purple velvet tassle on the end to call the footman, but he must have pulled a little too hard because the rope snapped back and pulled him off the floor. He bounced off the canopy of the four-poster nest bed, grabbing one of the posts to try to break his fall. The post broke away and the nest bed collapsed. The breakfast tray and all the plates and pots on it fell to the floor. The rope, still in Benny’s hand caught the magic lantern and sent that crashing to the floor and Benny landed in the jacuzzi and splashed water and bubbles all over the antique carpet. The door of the mini-bar sprung open and the miniature bottles of vodka and liquers all toppled out onto the floor.

The door of the suite opened. Benny thought it was the footman.

“I hope you had a pleasant night’s slee..... Freezing fish balls! What’s going on?!” It was the Emperor.